Drusselsteinian Fairy Tales : Heinz and Gretchen
by Punktespender
Summary: Nothing could build a father's daughter relationship better than reading fairy tales. So Heinz uses the possibility of his sick daughter to read his favorite fairy tales from Drusselstein.Well Vanessa is not enthusiastic, but lets Heinz tell. But only under the conditions he tells the old fairy tales, new. Behold - Old fairy tales/new stories.
1. Storyteller

**A / N The idea to write came to me when I read my little brother Hansel and Gretel. I made a fun of it and imitated Doofenshmirtz voice at the reading. And my brother loved it. But when Doofenshmirtz tells a fairy tale, he also needs a fairy tale which is crazy enough to be told.**

 **So I wrote my own version of Hansel and Grete. Okey the story that Heinz is now reading is very loosely based on the orginal fairy tale.**

 **(Translated from German into English)**

"Dad! This is really not necessary. "  
Vanessa pulled the blanket over her head to show her father that she did not agree with his plans.  
"Vanessa, everything for my little sick angel.  
Why did I just have to be sick when I'm with Dad, she thought as she slowly stretched her head out of the bedspreads.

At her bedside sat Dr. Doofenshmirtz with a thick book he appeared from a dusty corner of his lab.  
 _Drusselsteiner Fairytales_ ,

stood quite unadorned on the brown-bound book.  
"Dad, I do not like the fairy tales from Drusselstein, you know that."

Heinz looked at his daughter, insulted.  
"And you know I loved it when my mother read me out of this book. Well, I probably would have loved it. She never read it to me.

But now is no time for sad background stories. I'll save that for Perry the platypus."

He smashed the book, only to be almost suffocated by a thick dust cloud.  
Coughing and panting, he straightened his smock and put on his reading glasses.  
Vanessa sat a further protesting would be senseless and gave up.  
"Okay Dad, you can read a fairy tale." A smile flew over Dr. Doofenshmirtz's face, which again flew away as his daughter continued.

"But only if you tell them, well, modern ones. Do not get me wrong the stories are great, but something is missing."  
Heinz was sitting in confusion.

Modern?

Should he adapt his beloved fairy tales, only to make them accessible to a broad mass?

That's how Walt Disney felt.  
True evil.  
He wanted to deny it, but when he looked into the face of his daughter, he could not just resist.  
"Okay, okay for you."  
He licked his finger briefly and turned to the first fairy tale in the book. In his head he let the title go through his head before he began to tell.


	2. Hänsel and Gretel

"So there was once a good-looking man in Gimmelshtump."The view blurred slowly and showed the viewer a strongly gray and dark representation of Gimmelstummp.

But before Heinz could continue his daughter interrupted him.

"Dad just because your childhood was terrible I do not have to suffer from depression."

She shows him a color circle that she had fetched behind her pillows.

"You know our rules. At least 256 colors.

Heinz sighed.

"Oh, where was I, so ..." The image blurred again.

Heinz Doofenschmtz sat on a small chair at a small table.

In color.

Before him was built his favorite fashionable railroad, with which he played undaunted. But his happiness did not last long. His father, Mr. Doofenshmirtz, was once again dissatisfied with his eldest son.

"Holzhacken" was his brief command as he pointed towards the door.

Slowly Heinz went to the door and picked up his ax.

He headed toward the woods; he suddenly started talking to the ax in his hand.

"Do you know Alex the ax" he began, looking at his _partner_ in his hand.

"I do not know if you got it, but Dad lets me chop every day, even though we have no room." He puffed through.

"I must know, in my room are precisely 421 logs, 12 tree trunks and 2 whole pines with roots."

The dialogue with his ax ended. Heinz noticed that he had probably run a little too far. Then he stood, in the middle of the forest.

Alone.

Doofenshmirtz did not seem so upset at first. He always had his _Idontgetlostinator_ with him. This consisted of a hole he had cut into his trousers, which dropped animal feed to the ground at certain intervals.

When he turned around, however, he did not see his route home, only a platypus.

This ate the last crumbs of his trail and disappeared in the bushes.

"Curse you platypus"  
The last thing he heard from the animal was a loud chatter. "Grrrrrrrrr."

"Lost?"

With a loud scream, Heinz fell to the ground. Contrary to his first guess, behind him was not a terrible Goozim, but a girl with autumn-brown hair, glasses and scout uniform. This stretched out his hand with a broad grin.

"Firesidegirl Gretchen Adler, Troop 4623, at the service."

When Doofenshmirtz knocked the mess of his things, he looked at the girl.

"Are not you too young to be alone in the forest?"

She answers quickly. Very quickly.

"Yes, yes I am. But I am here to get my "Take a Schnitzel Home Patch." And you look like the perfect schnitzel for it."

Quickly, she leaned forward with a reserved hand, adding, "Besides, I should stay within sight of my parents."

He looked in the direction in which Gretchen pointed with her fingers. A man and a woman around the age of 35 were standing in front of a modern camper van.

Her mother waved her kindly. But her father screamed something like "M _y daughter gets her patch, or I break all your bones"_ in Heinz direction.

"So, I'll help you come home and I'll get my patch, okay?" She smiled at him.

Doofenshmirtz cleared his throat, "Well I'm not a schnitzel in the classical sense, so..."

But he was interrupted by Gretchen, who grabbed him by the collar and sent him a deadly look.

"I guess we just did not understand." She pulled his collar further. "I'll get _**you**_ ; ahhh how is you name again?"

It took a while for Heinz to stammer out his name.

"Doofenshmirtz. Heinz."

"I'll get you, Heinz Doofenschirtz, back to your house. Have we understood each other?"

He nodded as good as it could in her grip.

"Good." Immediately, she had again put on her wide smile and took a card from her backpack which was almost twice as big as she was.

"So we just have to walk south from here for 1.6 kilometers and then we are already in Gimmelstump." **(Info: Gimmelstump uses the metric system)**

She folded the card back together and disappeared as fast as she dived in the bushes.

Heinz followed her as best he could, but stumbled after four steps over a root projecting from the ground, which drove him head down a slope. Gretchen had already guessed what had happened and slipped down the slope a little annoyed to help her companion on the legs.

"Does this happen to you often?" Silence was her answer.

She wanted to turn back towards Gimmelstump, but ran straight against a wall. When she looked up she did not trust her eyes.

In front of her stood a house that consisted entirely of gingerbread and sweets. Gretchen immediately wanted to take a bite of it as a voice tore her from her dreamland.

"Child? Why do you nibble on my equipment shed?" When Gretchen stepped back a step, she realized what was meant by it. The "house" was in reality no higher than her.

Gretchen and Heinz now turned their heads. There was a woman with a facial mask, and a much too big black bathrobe around her body. Heinz immediately shouted "Ahhhhhh that's the terrible witch of Gummelstumper Forest."

While Heinz was running wild, the "Witch" and Gretchen shared a look that said as much as: _What a dumb_.

Shortly afterwards he lay, the third time on this day, on the ground and hyperventilating.

"Oh, you're not a witch, just a woman. Who lives in the forest. With a gingerbread shed."

Slowly he straightened up and looked around at her garden.

"And as I see you are better than the average Drusselsteinian," he pointed to a conspicuously shiny car in front of a huge house in the middle of the clearing.

"Funny that I did not notice when I ran headless through the area."

"I'm not from Drusselstein either; I've only been looking for a place I could live as an _unmarried_ , _rich woman._ Undisturbed. But where are my manners. My name is Charlene and what is your name? "

Gretchen was about to answer her when Doofenshmirtz put his hand over her mouth.

"Doofenshmirtz, Heinz Doofenschmtz." He shook Charlene's hand. "And friend," he pointed to Gretchen. She cleared her throat.  
"Actually, we just wanted to go."  
But when she turned towards Heinz, he had just disappeared. And the witch too. Annoyed, she leaned her hands on the gingerbread house. This instantly collapsed beneath her. As the dust cleared, she saw a bunch of frightened garden dwarfs.

She blinked. Blink. Blink. Put her glasses down. Cleaned her glasses with her uniform. But the little men did not disappear. 

She was terrified as the dwarfs threw themselves on their knees before her. "Oh, please, please witch of Gummelstumper Forest have mercy."

After a few seconds, the first dwarves dared to look up. There was only a little girl, not an evil witch.  
Joyfully one by one disappeared in the forest. The last (unhappy) garden dwarf was grabbed by Gretchen.  
"Could you explain to me, well, what is that?"

She told the little man, in the kitschy garden dwarf costume. He pointed horrified toward Charlene's house.  
"The witch of Gummelstumper Forest. She was. She lured us into her backyard. She said something like _I have a small pool in the backyard_. "

The dwarf shot his eyebrows up.

She blinked.

"No matter, at least when I lay by the pool a strange green beam hit me. When I came back, I was dressed as a garden dwarf together with the other poor fellows in this gingerbread house."

He pointed to the remains of the building.

"Oh, yes," the dwarf exclaimed.

"If you want to save your buddy, you should run."  
Gretchen ran as fast as she could to the backyard.  
But when she opened the door to the garden fence it was already too late. She only saw how Charlene had placed a red pointed spike on Heinz's head. He opened his eyes sleepily.  
"Oh, I must have fallen from the chair, you all look so big," he looked towards Gretchen then direction Charlene which dark smiles.

"You know Gretchen, I think I like that woman."

He taped towards the pool. "I mean, look at this smile and then she still has a pool."

He was about to jump into the water as he saw his reflection in the pool.  
As Gretchen found, he took it very calmly that the witch had turned him into a dwarf.

He sighed. "Ahh, I've thought so, I mean, with my background story, a witch and Gimmelstummp" he sighed again

"It was clear that I would end up as a garden dwarf. Papa had always told me. "  
He made a few smacking sounds with his mouth and ran slowly towards Gretchen.  
"I think,"he looked up at her, "This is the right moment to **run**."

Hastily he jumped into the arms of Gretchen as she sprinted to the garden fence. But Charlene or better the WoGF, however, blocked her with both arms. 

"What you just want to run away? I mean you did not even let me explain how I did it all. How I could catch all these men and then turn them into my army of _Tiny Little Garden Dwarfs._ "

She bent down to Gretchen. "I mean, how could I have protected myself from black magic? And among us, I like this retro kitsch."

She sighed as she thought of her beautiful garden full of real garden dwarfs. She did not notice that she was going backwards. Gretchen seized the change, briefly said "Excuse me" and pushed the witch into the pool. Just before she hit the water surface, the whole scene froze. 

"Wait a moment, Dad." Vanessa spoke from the off. "Is this supposed to be the scene in which Gretchen throws the evil witch into the oven and burns her?"

"Yes, yes that is it. But I thought it was something brutal for a child. I mean, we're her in the evening program that would never send that if I let your mother ahh I mean the witch burned. So I thought to myself, water, which is also evil. Just think about it. She could get the flu, or fall as she climbs out of the pool and slashes her skin or ... " 

"Okay dad is. Okay, just tell the damn story to end. "

Heinz cleared his throat and continued the story

Gretchen ran with the dwarves Heinz on her back into the forest and disappeared from the point of view of the witch. Without regard for loss, she sprinted through the bushes and the undergrowth of the forest until she arrived at the city boundary of Gimmeplstummp.  
To her happiness was the first house to which she had passed Heinz's parents' house. There she cautiously set him down beside the front door.

"Eh Wait, you just want to go now? I mean look at me I'm a garden dwarf! "Heinz cried out.  
"I've done my job successfully and brought you home." She said visibly proudly as she pinned her new patch to the sash.  
"Also, there are only 15 minutes left until lunch. Mum makes Soljanka," she added and went back to the forest.  
"Even I find that disgusting," Heinz said shuddering. However, he was interrupted by his father, who gave a short "Bewege dich nicht!"

He was standing straight next to the entrance door of the Doofenshmirtze.  
" _... And end_ "  
The loud snapping of the book brought Vanessa from the half-sleep back to reality.  
"And did you like it?" whispered Dr. Doofenschmirz to his now yawning daughter. She cuddled deeply into her blanket.  
"Yes, dad." She turned again to her father's father who was already standing at the door frame, his finger on the light switch. A smile coughing over his face.  
"That's nice. Then I hope that you are looking forward to tomorrow's story."

And with that, he left the room.

When she let her father's words go through her head, she realized what that meant.  
 _Tomorrow's story_  
"Damn it"  
She slept like a stone.


End file.
